The Nanny Diaries

For families and their non-Jewish au pairs, the learning process is a two-way street.

by Elaine Durbach, NJJN Bureau Chief/Central
and Johanna Ginsberg, contributor

September 13, 2007 —Few non-family relationships are more intimate than that between a live-in au pair and a family. Whether they come from this country or abroad, the interaction with these baby-sitters - especially for Jewish Families - can present some touchy challenges.
Rachel Barash, whose fifth au pair is arriving soon, said that she always makes it known right from the start that the family is Jewish.

"It's on the application form, and it's mentioned in the children's activities - that they'll be taking the kids to Hebrew classes," she said. "Especially with the German girl, we wanted to make sure she knew -you know, just in case. But so far it hasn't been an issue for any of them."
The family, who lives in Scotch Plains, have had three Russians in addition to the German au pair; their new one is from Mexico. For the Russians, the family's religion actually turned out to be a big plus. "They loved my cooking," said Barash. "What I think of as Jewish cooking they thought of as Russian - like my kasha varnishkes and borsht. It gave us an easy common ground. The one girl even said my borsht was better than her mother's."

...

Robin Bailey of Westfield is a coordinator for InterExchange's AuPairUSA agency who looks after about 30 au pairs. She said that once in a while she encounters a girl who is wary about working for a Jewish family, but it's a matter of ignorance, not antagonism. "Some of them are worried that they won't know what to do," she said.
Bailey has engaged seven au pairs herself and has developed bonds that have lasted long after the girls have returned home. She and her husband, David, recently returned from a visit to Europe and a multi-leg trip to the northern reaches of Norway to visit with Silje Sigerstadt, now a qualified veterinarian, who worked for them a number of years ago. "It was a marvelous experience," Bailey said.

In March, when their daughter Emily celebrated becoming a bat mitzva, they flew Beatriz Fajardo - their au pair from three years ago - back from Chile to share in the event. Bailey said she hopes that one day Emily might be an au pair, and - who knows? - might look after the children of one of the young women who lived and helped care for her family for a year.
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Janine Voegt is a German who worked as an au pair for a Jewish family in Livingston. It was the first family the agency offered her. In a telephone call from Germany she said, "I'm an atheist, and I thought it would be interesting to live with a religious family —I didn't care whether they were Jewish or Christian. I wanted to see how a religious family lives."

She said she was embarrassed that she knew so little about Judaism; in fact, she didn't realize Jews didn't celebrate Christmas —but that changed. She learned to prepare a traditional Shabbat meal, and quickly internalized the rules of kashrut. "I thought, I'm in a Jewish house and if I know not to eat it then I won't," she said.

Kyla Sackman is an American who worked as an au pair for a Jewish family in Maplewood. Though she didn't have the language and culture issues that foreign au pairs encounter, the Montana native said she had been worried when she learned she might be hired by a Jewish family. "I didn't know anything about the Jewish religion. I was a little nervous. I didn't want them to make me go to the temple with them, or feel like I had to join in their ceremonies when I have my own beliefs," she said.

Assured this would not be the case, Sackman, who was then Kyla Sager, took the job with the Kraham family and was ultimately pleased to learn plenty about Judaism the year she was with them, 2003-04. "I grew up in a really small town. I wanted to see what else was out there," she said. She ended up forming a lasting relationship with the family, and earlier this summer, all three Kraham children stood up for Sackman at her wedding to a cowboy in a Baptist church in Montana.

Amy Cooper, who also lives in Maplewood and works at the Jewish Federation of Central New Jersey, said one au pair who worked with her family a few years ago showed a particularly positive response to her exposure to Jews. "She started dating a Jewish guy while she was with us, and later she got married to another one," Cooper said. "She certainly seemed to have a pretty good feeling about Jews."

 

 

Reprinted with permission from http://www.njjewishnews.com/njjn.com/091307/cjTheNannyDiaries.html